I've had one of your children, Auntie Flo, living with me since I was 12 years old.
She hasn't been too bad a roommate. She's had her moments over the years and she took a few extended holidays, where she was away for 9 months at a time, give or take a couple of weeks.
Over the last couple of years she's gotten a bit cranky and unreliable, so I started suggesting that it was about time she left.
About a year ago, she finally took the hint and departed for greener pastures. I was very happy, even excited. It was time for a whole new, Aunty Floless stage of my life. The world was my oyster !
However, she appears to have left some of her baggage behind.
Like 'Hot Flashes' and her twin sister 'Cold Flashes'.
It's in the high 90's here at the moment. So why would you or Aunty Flo think that I still needed the company of 'Hot Flashes' ? I'm hot enough already, thankyou very much!
As to 'Cold Flashes'. She's no help around the house. I find myself having to go and have a hot bath, because she's made me so cold that my fingers have turned white and I haven't been able to stop shivering. Did I mention that we're having 90+ degree weather! 'Cold Flashes' would be so more appreciated if she was like a cooling gentle breeze and not a freakin' ARTIC BLAST !!
Did you know that 'PMS' also seems to have been left behind. She's currently sleeping in my spare bedroom. However, she still wakes up once a month and has a playdate with 'Cramps', 'Bloating', 'Headache' and 'Mood Swings'. It really is all a bit too much!
And what's with this hair thing??
How come the hair on top of my head seems to be thinning a bit, but I have hair appearing in places that I never had hair before? Like my chin, my upper lip, up my nostril and other places that I won't mention.
Plus I appear to be developing my Great Uncle Stanley's and Grandfather's eyebrows. Do you, Mother Nature, realise how much serious plucking that those suckers require?
Now, I know you're a really busy lady, what with Global Warming and all that. But if you wouldn't mind stopping by on your way to Fall, or the latest Glacier Melting party or whatever it is you're doing these days and pick up my worn out their welcome house guests, I'd be ever so grateful. I really do think I've done more than my fair share in keeping them entertained !
Yours sincerely,
A disgruntled subject.
