Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Feelings ...

I was reading this post today on Debbie's blog and it got me thinking.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about the direction I want my blog to go in or even if I want it to go in a direction. Or, gasp, if I even wanted to continue blogging.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that yes, I did want to keep blogging. I've met some neat people online and I'd miss them if I gave this up. :-)

So that left me wondering what I wanted to do with this space of mine online.

Originaly, I think I sort of started off with the idea of using it to post my favourite recipes and give family and friends, back home in NZ , a look into what I was doing.

Then it started to morph into a weight loss blog, but that wasn't really what I wanted either. For me, there was only so much I could say about that particular journey of mine, which, incidentally, I've started on again. From time to time I'll share about it and the weight loss progress tracker is back up again.

However, there is so much more to me than just that. Which brings me to what I think I've been struggling with over the last couple of months. I had a sort of 'Eureka!' moment in the bath this morning, after reading Debbie's post. It's okay, I didn't frighten the neighbours by doing an Archimedes, nor was I tempted to :-) I was completely cured of that by this moment I once had, courtesy of my middle son and a couple of Mormon Missionaries.

I hadn't really been sure as to where I fit in the blogasphere or even, to a certain extent, IRL. In fact, I think the real life one, is something that I've been struggling with for a long time.

What I realised this morning, was that I don't have to fit in anywhere. I can be who I am.

I detest being pigeon holed. For most of my life, I've been some body's something. I've been my parent's child, my husband's wife, my kid's mother and so on. Don't get me wrong, I've been proud to be most of those, especially the last two. However, there was always this little voice inside me, that was asking, 'What about me ?' 'Does anybody see me ?' 'Is this all there is ?' To a certain extent I felt guilty for feeling that way. It seemed easier to be what people wanted me to be and not rock the boat.

I've also struggled to come to terms with past abuse. That's coloured a lot of my life and the way I feel and react to things.

From now on, I'm going to celebrate the me who is evolving. There is the rebel. There is the activist. There is the person who genuinely cares about people. There is the frustrated writer and photographer. The wild child. The strong sense of humour, that has probably helped keep my sanity. The cook. The wise woman and so on.

Which brings me full circle back to my blog. I want my blog to reflect all that. To reflect all that makes me, who I am ...

I think that makes sense, does it not ?

I found this video on You Tube that epitomises a lot of how I feel. It shows the strong women of one of my favourite shows 'SG1' and also a song that I feel very connected to ...

8 comments:

Lori said...

Wonderful, wonderful post. I'm glad you've decided to stay in the blogosphere, I'd miss you if you left! --Though at the same time I'd totally understand, when it starts feeling like something else to check off the to-do list, there's not much point in continuing.

I like the way your blog touches on so many different things, and that it doesn't have one set direction. It's always interesting to see what you're going to post about.

You are what you want to be. [I don't know what that means. It just sounded deep so I said it.) ;)

Suzanne said...

What a wonderful post and wonderful video. Yes, Karen you are getting to a point where you will emerge as your own person. It took me five years of therapy but surely there's another way!! The secret to being happy is to know who you are and be comfortable and confident in your own skin.

Your blog is on my blogroll and I would be sad if you weren't writing and sharing anymore. Just discover who you are and be that person.

= Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Your blog already reflects each of these parts of you; what do you think I'm doing here, Silly?! I'm glad you're going to stick around :)

Chris H said...

I can relate to this... my blog started out as a 'weight loss' blog, but now..... it's just THE DAYS OF MY LIFE... and it seems to suit me... and me readers it would appear! I feel guilty sometimes cos it isn't all about what it was intended to be... but ah what the hell.... tis my blog! Good on you for morphing into your own blog!

Jen B. said...

You fit in anywhere! I LOVE your posts & am so very happy your going to continue blogging!

Jennifer said...

I totally agree w/ you Karen--I hate to e pigeon-holed! I'm glad you're going to stick w/ blogging and look forward to what you have to say!

Ronda's Rants said...

I don't know how I missed this post until now but it is wonderful and I feel so much like you do...I am working through it...you typed my feelings here...kinda scary!

John Deere Mom said...

Well I am certainly glad you came to your senses and decided to keep blogging! I loved reading this post and am glad you are sticking with it, in whatever way your blog rolls...